Missed opportunity

I mentioned earlier that Taipei seems to have a 7-Eleven every 3 blocks, but that there's another store even more common. On just about every block, there's a small storefront or shack that sells what some people call "Taiwan chewing gum." It's actually a betel nut product that acts as a stimulant.

Anyway, I was going to visit one of these places and write about how the usual sales tactic is to employ attractive women to sit on a stool in the window. I say "usual" because I noticed that the people who work during off hours or at less-desirable locations are often neither attractive nor female. So maybe the product just sells itself.

So I don't have much of a post here, regrettably, but I did notice this sales tactic seems be be creeping its way into an equally competitive sales arena, the espresso market in Seattle. It seems stimulants and sex go together well everywhere.

On the juice, it seems

In a somewhat mysterious feat of strength, I managed to rip the handle off the inside of the driver's door of my car on Saturday night. The car door had gotten hung up on the sidewalk, and I pulled a little too hard.

Although my friends Grande and C. found this rather amusing, I did not. (OK, it was a little funny.)

Even though I am trying not to think about how much this is going to cost to fix, I am reminded every time I hop into the car and, without thinking, yank the handle right off again as I try to close the door.

(For you astute readers out there: Yes, I did decide the logical thing to do a mere 17 hours after getting off a flight from Asia was to drive 4 1/2 hours to my hometown.)

***

Update (1/30/07): I went to the VW dealer yesterday. My show of strength is going to cost me $126 to repair. Yay.

Back

So, I'm back in the U.S., and let me tell you, two 24-hour travel days in a week is not a fun thing. Remarkably, though, I'm in pretty good shape and have had almost no jet lag. (Famous last words?)

In any event, I have some more stories to tell, so stay tuned.

Toilet humor

It took me a few days to get used to the high-tech toilets that are common here.

(I will note that what is not common is toilet paper, which can present problems when you're a tourist using a toilet not of the high-tech variety. Luckily, I was warned about this and arrived in Taiwan prepared.)

In any event, my first surprise was the heated toilet seat. Not only to these things get toasty, I'm pretty sure they get hot enough that there's an actual "toast" setting. Although I'll probably miss this when I get home, as I gather winter finally has arrived in the Northeast.

It took me a bit to figure out how to flush these things. For all the buttons and such, the toilets still employ a traditional flush lever -- located nowhere near the touchpad.

Now, the fun part: The toilets have a biday function. I was able to discern which button to push thanks to the icon of a fountain of water pleasantly gurgling under someone's rear end. I guess there's no graceful way to illustrate that. The first time I pushed this button, I figured the water would shut off automatically after an appropriate amount of time. So after I had sat there for a bit with water shooting up my ass, I began to panic. Although I hear there are some people who will pay a significant amount of money for this experience. I did eventually locate the stop button but did wind up with soggy boxers after failing to dry myself properly.

I did puzzle for some time over the button with the picture of a woman's head on it. I am proud to report I figured it out without having to push the button.

So maybe there is a graceful way to illustrate the ass-cleaning function.

* * * * * *

Observation #1: It doesn't take long to get annoyed by people asking if I'd like to eat at McDonald's. No, I wouldn't, and I won't take you to Panda Express when you come to the States.

Observation #2: Taipei seems intent on leading the world in 7-Eleven infiltration. The number of 7-Elevens here makes it look like Portland and Seattle are facing a dire shortage of Starbucks. You can't walk more than 3 blocks here without stumbling across a 7-Eleven. Maybe they're putting something in the Slurpees. That said, there is another type of store even more abundant. I have to do more research, but I will report back on this, as it's rather interesting.

Amusing story: I was playing pingpong last night with my aunt when she invited a 10-year-old boy to take her spot for a bit. I was fine with this at first, and then extremely panicked as visions of an epic ass-whipping danced in my head. Lucky for me, he turned out to be your average 10-year-old and not some pingpong prodigy.

Traveler's tip: If you have a moment when you're walking down the sidewalk in Taipei to stop looking around to make sure you're not going to get run down by someone on a scooter or flattened by a reckless driver, I suggest you walk with your head down. Not to avoid making eye contact, as one might in New York, but to make sure you don't trip and break your neck. The convenience of even sidewalks is not a priority here, nor has anyone bothered to require that elevation changes be marked with warning signs.

Far, far from Connecticut

I was afraid I'd be a raving lunatic -- or something pretty close -- after nearly 23 consecutive hours of travel, but I survived the ordeal in relatively good shape.

(The travel breakdown, by the way: 2 hours from Connecticut to Detroit, 13 1/2 hours from Detroit to Osaka, and 3 hours from Osaka to Taipei. Add two hours for each layover, and there you go.)

The people here like to welcome long-lost relatives by telling them they've come home, so here I am in the motherland. As expected, the food is wonderful and amazing, and I've been happily filling myself at every opporunity. I have a lot more on this topic, but we'll get to that in a future post.

The striking thing here is the traffic -- think driving in Manhattan, then throw in a couple hundred thousand extra people on scooters, and you pretty much get the idea. Right off the bat I noticed something different here, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. They drive on the same side of the road; the traffic signs look almost identical. The drivers are a little crazy, but it's not as outrageous as I had heard. But after thinking for a bit, I realized that no one here has a pickup truck.

(There are SUVs, though, most of them of the high-end Lexus and BMW variety. A decent number of minivans, too.)

Most of the cars are Japanese; with the Europeans represented by mostly BMWs and Mercedes. (Mercedeses?) A few VWs and Volvos thrown in, too. Ford is pretty much the only U.S. make represented.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. Perhaps because I've been in the car so much lately. But I have more interesting tales ahead. Promise. But now you know where I am, so that's taken care of.

I shall return

I probably was about 10 the last time I went fishing. We'd occasionally go to a pond at some park in my hometown and haul out a few sunfish. Not very exciting stuff, even for a kid.

Now, I have no plans to go fishing anytime soon. I just wanted to let you know I'll be out of pocket -- and odd phrase, I know, but one that is popular in my office for some reason -- for about a week or so.

And those "Gone Fishin' " signs are the first thing that popped into my head. So there you go.

I'm not sure how much Internet access I'll have while I'm away, but you may get a post from somewhere interesting if I get the chance. That's assuming I make it through the plane ride. I've never been on a flight longer than 5 hours, so if anyone has tips for surviving a long-haul flight, I'd be ever so grateful.

We'll pay for this in March

Just because I could, I drove around this afternoon with my sunroof open, which is something I figured I'd never be able to do while living in Connecticut.

My car reported a temperature of 70 (!) for most of the drive, and it ticked up to 71 for a minute before falling into the upper 60s. We have yet to see a flake of snow this winter, and I think there might have been one week with temperatures as low as the 20s -- and that was only overnight. This is happening all over the Northeast, probably thanks to El Nino.

And after putting up with the torrential downpours that El Nino causes in the Northwest, I'm more than happy to reap the benefits now that I'm back in the Northeast.